Turning 40 with scoliosis: A letter to my younger self

Hello!

Gosh it’s been a while, how is everyone? That is… if people still read here! I took some time off from blogging for several reasons, including to help my mental health, and also think about what I wanted to get from this blog. At one point, I was putting way too much pressure on myself to post here, and it became overwhelming trying to think about what to post and to ‘optimise content’ for search engines etc. So much so it became less fun and I started resenting it.

I recently turned 40, and it’s made me reflect on my life and I’ve realised how much I’ve missed sharing my thoughts and feelings on here. This blog is an outlet for me, not a business, and when I see it that way, the pressure disappears.

I have decided that I am going to start posting on here again BUT I want to go back to why I started this blog in the first place, to help and inspire people with scoliosis, and to post my thoughts when I feel compelled to. Not to rank in search engines or make money.

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What is life like with scoliosis as an adult?

Turning 40 made me feel compelled to write again, because it feels like such a big milestone, and if I’m honest, when I was diagnosed with scoliosis at 14, I wasn’t sure if I would even reach 40, or if I’d be mobile or able to do the things I can now.

One of my biggest fears was what my life would look like as an adult.

Would I be able to travel? Run? Live normally? Would my back stop me doing the things I loved?

Now that I’ve just turned 40, I realise I finally have the answer to that question.

It made me think about what I would say to my 14-year-old self if I could go back now. I really wish I could go back to the day I was diagnosed with scoliosis, give her a hug and say this:

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Dear younger me,

I know you’re scared right now. You’ve just been told you have scoliosis and suddenly the future feels uncertain. You’re thinking about surgery, about your back, about how different your body feels from everyone else’s. You’re wondering what life will look like when you’re older.

Will you be in pain?
Will your back get worse?
Will scoliosis stop you doing the things you want to do?

I remember those worries so clearly. Right now everything feels overwhelming, and it’s hard to imagine what the future might hold. So I’m writing to you from that future.

Right now it probably feels like scoliosis has changed everything. But one day it will simply become one part of your story – not the thing that defines it.

I’m 40 years old. And I want you to know something important.

You’re going to be okay.

Not only that – your life is going to be fuller and more adventurous than you can imagine right now.

This week I celebrated my 40th birthday standing on a beach in the Caribbean, the sea that impossible shade of turquoise and palm trees swaying in the breeze.

It wasn’t even a trip I had planned for months. In fact, our original plans fell through at the last minute and we booked this holiday just a few days before we left.

But somehow it turned out to be exactly what I needed.

After a stressful year, it gave me space to breathe, to slow down, and to feel grateful for everything my body has carried me through.

And as I stood there looking out at the ocean, I thought about you. About the girl who was scared that scoliosis might define her life.

If only you could see us now.

Our spine might be a little wonky, but it has carried us across countries and oceans.

It has taken us hiking in the mountains, travelling the world, running races and swimming in tropical seas.

It has taken us to places you couldn’t even imagine back then.

Scoliosis hasn’t stopped us living our life. It’s simply become one small part of our story.

So if I could tell you one thing, it would be this:

Your body is stronger than you think.
Your future is bigger than your fears.
And the life ahead of you is still full of adventure, joy and beautiful moments.

One day you’ll be standing on a beach at 40, laughing, feeling free, and realising that the future you once worried about turned out to be something pretty wonderful after all.

With love,
Your future self

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Looking back over my 20s and 30s, I’ve realised that my scoliosis has never stopped me from living, in fact it’s carried me further than I ever expected.

In my 30s, I travelled to some amazing places, ran two marathons, trekked the great wall of China and did a 5 day trek to Machu Picchu! I’m so grateful for what my body has allowed me to achieve. A few days before my 40th birthday I ran a 10k race, then jetted off to the Caribbean where I swam in the ocean and climbed palm trees.

I’ve never felt stronger and more comfortable in my skin. Believe me, it’s taken years to get to this point, but I’m now at a stage where I don’t care who sees my back, I will walk across the beach in front of people in a bikini – something I would never used to do. In many ways, this trip felt incredibly liberating. It gave me space to breathe, reflect and realise how far I’ve come – not just with scoliosis, but in life.

If you are a teenager or younger person with scoliosis I want you to know this. Your scoliosis doesn’t define your life. Your body can still do amazing things. And, never be ashamed of your scoliosis or let it stop you from doing what you want to do. Wear the bikini, live your life. Future you will thank you.

When I was 14, I thought scoliosis might limit my life. At 40, I realise it has simply shaped it.

My spine might be curved, but it has carried me through a life full of adventures. It’s taught me resilience, perspective and gratitude for what my body is capable of.

And standing on that beach, I realised something: the future I once worried about turned out to be far more beautiful than I imagined.

Love,

Louise x