In all honestly, the last few months have been pretty rough for me.
I have been struggling quite a lot with anxiety following the end of a toxic relationship and I’ll be honest, I have found myself dangerously close to a bad place. However, I have decided to take control and to use this time alone as a period of reflection, to really focus on myself and my goals and get to know myself and what I want out of life, which I think is what I really need at the moment.
I’ve been focusing a lot over the last 12 months on my running and fitness. If I’m brutally honest, I think this has been a massive distraction to what was going on or has happened in my personal life.
Whilst running certainly helps with my anxiety and well-being, what I’ve come to realise is that by focusing everything on that, I have been failing to deal with deeper issues that really need to be dealt with before I can move on with my life/even attempt another relationship.
So while I have thrown myself into running and my physical health, I’ve realised that I’ve completely neglected my emotional health. I have been living life on full speed, leaving no time for me or to think/deal with things that I need to. This in all honestly led me to have a bit of a burnout, which resulted in me breaking down at work a few weeks ago.
I know that I’m a strong person. I have been through a lot in my life and come out the other side, and this is no different. My breakdown was a bit of a turning point for me. I can see what has happened and how and I’m happy to say that I’m now feeling much better and ready to take back control and consciously make some time for self-care, which I’ve come to realise is really important.
I’ve always been very goal orientated, so I have had a look at my 2019 goals and, whilst I still want to continue with my running as it does help me massively, I wanted to also include some self-care and personal improvement goals. I find writing my goals down helps me to focus and I also have them on a whiteboard in my flat, which means I keep looking at them everyday.
I plan to focus on these goals over the next 6 months or so, which I’m dedicating to MYSELF.
No distractions, no drama (I hope!) I think this is necessary in order to heal and get me into a healthier place where I can move forwards with my life and future relationships.
I would like to continue running as I do find it incredibly therapeutic and it makes me feel good. My run club keeps me going and I find the people there incredibly supportive and inspiring. There are always events being organised and I plan on getting involved in as many things as I can with the run club, such as volunteering to help with races and events, as well as attending the social events when I can. I’d also like to carry on going and volunteering at Park Run as again this is great for me (I’m almost at 50 Park Runs now!)
I’ve come a really long way with my running and I’d love to see how far I can take it. My main goal is to achieve a sub 2 hour half marathon and I probably need to find a running coach to help me with this, although I was fairly close with the Wrexham half marathon earlier this year (2.02!)
I feel like I have neglected my blog a bit recently but I really want to dedicate some serious time to it by using my marketing background to develop a proper strategy. I love helping people and my blog and my Instagram give me so much satisfaction and purpose.
This is the Biggie. I have decided to dedicate the next 6 months or so to self care. This is something I have unknowingly massively neglected over the last 12 months. I have always found it difficult to relax, but the last 12 months have been so hectic and stressful that I was running on full speed without taking the time to just STOP. I think I was afraid what would happen if I did stop and what emotions I would feel. But in the end my emotions caught up with me and as a result, I’ve forced myself to slow down a bit.
I’m starting counselling this week, which I’m nervous about but I think it’s long overdue in all honesty. I’ve also started Yoga and am looking into meditation classes. I’ve also decided that instead of scrolling endlessly on social media, I will use this time more effectively to listen to self improvement podcasts or read a book. I am aiming to read at least one self improvement book a month. Whether that be to help with my anxiety, work or goals.
I have been spending way too much time on social media recently and it had damaging effects on my previous relationship and also my health.
Therefore I plan to use social media much less and only dedicate a certain amount of time to it in order to promote and grow this blog.
Another goal I have is around travel. I’m aiming to organise another charity challenge to raise awareness of scoliosis which I will probably take part in next year. I would also like to travel somewhere alone and take part in a Park Run and/or running event abroad.
Personal goals I have are around my mindset and positivity. I read Fearne Cotton’s book (Happy) recently and it’s really helped me. In order to achieve a more positive mindset and life I plan to write down things I’m grateful for/good things that have happened each day.
I realise that I have been negative and down in the past about my life and things that have happened to me but it’s so important that I see the positives and appreciate everything I have in life.
FITNESS / HEALTH
I really want to try something new to help with my core strength. Ideas I’ve had are PoleFit, Climbing or CrossFit. So watch this space!
So, these are some of my new revised goals for this year. I wanted to write them on here so that they are out of my head and are written somewhere!
I only want to focus on the next few months and healing, then, who knows?! I can start planning what I want next out of life.
Do you have any goals that you are working towards? How have you coped during tough times?
Let me know in the comments below.
I had scoliosis surgery in 2010 and blog about my experiences living with scoliosis. My aim is to raise awareness of scoliosis and help and inspire others with the condition.